Thank you Lucy -- this resonates hugely. I try to catch some of the words and ideas and flashes of life that thunder like a waterfall... but often I feel all I have to catch them with is a leaky bucket! But I think that like a waterfall, creativity just keeps coming. It is generous, and will always be there, however it is that I’m able to meet it. (Though... I’m still just craving some alone time with a notebook!) Keep going... keep pressing send... your words matter... I’m trying to do that too and it’s scary and hard and fun and freeing 💚
Oh Elizabeth, thank you so so much for such lovely words and kind encouragement and I am so sorry for the slow reply! I'm still getting my head around substack and have been hitting publish and running and hiding away! I can completely relate to having a leaky bucket and craving time with just a notebook. And you are so right about just keeping on going, it's equal parts terrifying and also quite liberating! Thank you again so much for taking the time to read my words and sending you huge love from Cornwall xxx
Lucy, this has been absolutely wonderful to read, and it prompted me to think about my own (dis)balance between creativity and motherhood. I've returned to writing in October after some 10 years of break (before that I worked as a journalist and published a couple of stories) and that return was unexpected and raw. I'm navigating through it one step at the time.
Some days I find myself worried about finding time for writing - and then I find myself caught in the web of expectations of "productivity". As an artist, I've long fought the lingering notion that everything I do has to be "productive" in financial sense; surely that's a leftover trauma of capitalism and growing up poor. Finding my way out of that mindset while mothering and dealing with my own neurodivergence isn't easy.
I'm trying to embrace that my creativity is wild and unpredictable. I try to sneak away during the day when my toddlers are busy playing, even if it's just a couple of minutes to write down the thoughts I have. The other day while one child was in the nursery and the other was sleeping, I caught some time to have a much needed shower - and a whole poem suddenly appeared in my head while I was standing under hot water. All day long, words, phrases, sentences, whole poems and whole stories just keep coming and I'm catching them randomly. Sometimes it's all hit and miss, sometimes I don't catch them instantly and by the time I manage to write the words down, they've already changed and took a new direction. But they always, always keep coming. This is really a journey of learning how to ease into the natural flow of things - you can only plan and predict so much. Creativity and motherhood have that in common.
Dear Ramona, thank you so so much for reading and for the lovely message and I am so sorry for the slow reply. That web of productivity that you describe is something I can really relate to. I am trying so hard to unlearn and uncondition myself from all those expectations and as you so eloquently put 'ease into the natural flow of things' and the interplay of motherhood and creativity. Oh and the shower has been the most surprising place for me to have ideas too! It's always been when I am busy doing something else, often something so mundane and ordinary that the ideas arrive. Sending you all the best from Cornwall and thank you again so much for reading xxx
"Torn between feeling that my parenting and creativity should be a certain way and a burning desire to break convention and just do it my way." Ooof, this line hit hard. I, too, have only just started sharing posts from the archives – something I could never bring myself to do before, for some reason. Also love the idea that we grow up as parents alongside our children 💛
Thank you so much for the lovely comment Annette. I'm really trying hard to stop getting caught up in manufacturing more urgency and the pressing need for the brand new shiny thing when it comes to my writing (I'm very still learning and trying to resist the temptation to put that expectation upon myself :) Equally it's also taken me such a long time to realise that my mothering age is only that of my oldest child, it's definitely helping me to be a little more compassionate towards myself as I realised that my mother age is only 10! Thank you again so much for taking the time to read and comment xxx
This is so beautiful, and resonates so much with me. Last year absolutely every piece of funding, residency, bursary and writer in residence I applied for I was rejected for! You have so tenderly given voice to the ways it can make us feel about ourselves but in truth these supposed failures are actually such fertile spaces. I have come to think of leaning into rejection and imperfection as a form of decolonisation. Thanks for being you and showing up how you do, and I can’t wait to see where your writing goes this year having made a space for them over here! X
Oh dear Kerri, thank you so so much for your gorgeous words. Sending you huge love from Cornwall, it's tough isn't. I'm learning everyday and slowly, finally realising the huge impact it has on me and my writing. This year, I'm very consciously and intently, trying to lean in to it and just allow that void that very often opens up in me when I get rejected and the inevitable feelings of I'm not good enough to settle a while without being overwhelmed or consumed by them... It is such a fertile space but to be honest, sometimes it can feel so lonely, but that is also something I really want to change and allow the space for by opening up the conversations and trying not to hide behind the shame of it all. Thank you so much for your encouragement and kind words xxx
Thank you Lucy -- this resonates hugely. I try to catch some of the words and ideas and flashes of life that thunder like a waterfall... but often I feel all I have to catch them with is a leaky bucket! But I think that like a waterfall, creativity just keeps coming. It is generous, and will always be there, however it is that I’m able to meet it. (Though... I’m still just craving some alone time with a notebook!) Keep going... keep pressing send... your words matter... I’m trying to do that too and it’s scary and hard and fun and freeing 💚
Oh Elizabeth, thank you so so much for such lovely words and kind encouragement and I am so sorry for the slow reply! I'm still getting my head around substack and have been hitting publish and running and hiding away! I can completely relate to having a leaky bucket and craving time with just a notebook. And you are so right about just keeping on going, it's equal parts terrifying and also quite liberating! Thank you again so much for taking the time to read my words and sending you huge love from Cornwall xxx
It really does "all count" 💖
Thank you so much Susan ❤️ It’s taken me so long to realise this 😅
Lucy, this has been absolutely wonderful to read, and it prompted me to think about my own (dis)balance between creativity and motherhood. I've returned to writing in October after some 10 years of break (before that I worked as a journalist and published a couple of stories) and that return was unexpected and raw. I'm navigating through it one step at the time.
Some days I find myself worried about finding time for writing - and then I find myself caught in the web of expectations of "productivity". As an artist, I've long fought the lingering notion that everything I do has to be "productive" in financial sense; surely that's a leftover trauma of capitalism and growing up poor. Finding my way out of that mindset while mothering and dealing with my own neurodivergence isn't easy.
I'm trying to embrace that my creativity is wild and unpredictable. I try to sneak away during the day when my toddlers are busy playing, even if it's just a couple of minutes to write down the thoughts I have. The other day while one child was in the nursery and the other was sleeping, I caught some time to have a much needed shower - and a whole poem suddenly appeared in my head while I was standing under hot water. All day long, words, phrases, sentences, whole poems and whole stories just keep coming and I'm catching them randomly. Sometimes it's all hit and miss, sometimes I don't catch them instantly and by the time I manage to write the words down, they've already changed and took a new direction. But they always, always keep coming. This is really a journey of learning how to ease into the natural flow of things - you can only plan and predict so much. Creativity and motherhood have that in common.
Thank you for this insightful, relatable read.
Dear Ramona, thank you so so much for reading and for the lovely message and I am so sorry for the slow reply. That web of productivity that you describe is something I can really relate to. I am trying so hard to unlearn and uncondition myself from all those expectations and as you so eloquently put 'ease into the natural flow of things' and the interplay of motherhood and creativity. Oh and the shower has been the most surprising place for me to have ideas too! It's always been when I am busy doing something else, often something so mundane and ordinary that the ideas arrive. Sending you all the best from Cornwall and thank you again so much for reading xxx
You write so beautifully about the tension between motherhood and creativity - thanks for sharing x
Thank you so much Naomi for your lovely comment and taking the time to read this piece xxx
"Torn between feeling that my parenting and creativity should be a certain way and a burning desire to break convention and just do it my way." Ooof, this line hit hard. I, too, have only just started sharing posts from the archives – something I could never bring myself to do before, for some reason. Also love the idea that we grow up as parents alongside our children 💛
Thank you so much for the lovely comment Annette. I'm really trying hard to stop getting caught up in manufacturing more urgency and the pressing need for the brand new shiny thing when it comes to my writing (I'm very still learning and trying to resist the temptation to put that expectation upon myself :) Equally it's also taken me such a long time to realise that my mothering age is only that of my oldest child, it's definitely helping me to be a little more compassionate towards myself as I realised that my mother age is only 10! Thank you again so much for taking the time to read and comment xxx
Im so grateful you let us read this! Thank you thank you. Xxx
Lovely George, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Huge love from Cornwall xxx
This is so beautiful, and resonates so much with me. Last year absolutely every piece of funding, residency, bursary and writer in residence I applied for I was rejected for! You have so tenderly given voice to the ways it can make us feel about ourselves but in truth these supposed failures are actually such fertile spaces. I have come to think of leaning into rejection and imperfection as a form of decolonisation. Thanks for being you and showing up how you do, and I can’t wait to see where your writing goes this year having made a space for them over here! X
Oh dear Kerri, thank you so so much for your gorgeous words. Sending you huge love from Cornwall, it's tough isn't. I'm learning everyday and slowly, finally realising the huge impact it has on me and my writing. This year, I'm very consciously and intently, trying to lean in to it and just allow that void that very often opens up in me when I get rejected and the inevitable feelings of I'm not good enough to settle a while without being overwhelmed or consumed by them... It is such a fertile space but to be honest, sometimes it can feel so lonely, but that is also something I really want to change and allow the space for by opening up the conversations and trying not to hide behind the shame of it all. Thank you so much for your encouragement and kind words xxx